Resolutions

              I pray that this academic year showers on you roses and tulips, knowledge and creativity, dollars and dinars, success and glory, love and peace and ofcourse few new girlfriends...!   I got habituated of making academic resolutions year after year. Till two years back, it used to be the same old story. I used to write down my resolutions on a piece of paper, beam with pride and adhere to them for few days. Then, I used to tear out the piece of paper in frustration and throw it in a dust bin. But from two years when my fate   dug 6*5*4 Pit for my life.. my resolutions became serious and long run. So here are mai resolution for mai new academic year

1) I have to be Mr.Perfect:  I resolve to turn into a good and clean young man with moral values. Ofcourse, I've a criminal brain but, now I' going to delete my Gigabytes of chee-chee thu-thu stuff from my Brian. I would like to b nice to every1 and be more helpful to all. So that, all prospective mother-in-law's in whole country will have dogfights among themselves to bag me as their son-in-law.

2) No Flirting: No one taught me flirting but, u know it is like a natural disaster. It will turn to so us without our concern. I'm not actually a flirt but, sometimes it happens without the conscience of my mind. So even if i see a gal in a sexi outfit, i think of her in a nine feet kanchivaram Saree from head to toe with traditional gold jewellery, bangles and copious amounts of sindhoor. If I had to speak to her, instead of shaking hand to say Hi, I'll say Namaste with my hands appended together and raised above my neck.

3) Stop telling lie's:- Long long long back in 2008, I made my mind not to lie anymore for silly things. It's going successfully, but, because of this I've put many people in trouble. Few times it showed me hell, but i didn't cross my feet. So, even in this academic year, i'll adopt Honesty as my best policy and righteousness along with truthfulness as my line of reasoning which should create jealous in Satya Harishchandra. So from now, axe will be called as axe, spade will be called as spade and blade will be called as blade. Even if my faculty ask me about their sucked up, stupid brain fucked policies I’m gonna tell him what i think. Even if my obese frnd ask me how she looks in her new dress, i'll tell what i feel.

4) Eat Healthy, Be healthy:-   I would like to stop eating junk food. Now on words I'll go to Pani Puri center to meet frnds. Astoria, bahar and Bawarchi to say Hi to waiters. Ccd to listen music, Pizza hut to see de floral decoration. I'll eat my meals on time without playing any permutations and combinations - eating breakfast at kunch tym, lunch at snacks tym etc etc - on my eating schedule.

5) U rated words:- I should keep my vocabulary under control. So fuck wont be de starting or ending of de sentence i speak. I will no longer use the words ‘M*******, M******** and B********’ as expressions of showing  endearment, affection, disappointment, admiration. Faculty will no longer be called ‘Bastards’, but dey may be called ‘differently born individuals’ henceforth with respect. Instead of calling bitch, they will be called "kind souls with different sexual tastes". From now, no A content comes from my mouth. so its all family listen-able dialogues now.

6) Regular to College: I used to go to skool and college frequently, but Syed Hashim made me a Professional bunker. Thanks to Keerthana, Divya and Dinesh who always maintained mai attendance above 90% by proxies. Now, no kee. So, I'll go to college regularly, attened all de classes. Even if dey announce holiday on a weekday, i vl dare ask dem to take classes for me. So mai frnds, don't get electrified if u get to know my attendance percentage.

              
7) Chatterbox: Teachers used to make me sit among gals because I never used to be clam. It started in 2nd class and cntd til 10th except in 6th and 8th. I always used to have headlice on mai hair coz of gals. Ofcourse i used to play with der hair, dat doesn't count now.Now i resolve not to speak in de class and to be attentive while faculty is taking class. this means i won't play any bow and arrow or Cricket cards or video games or texting while de class is going. I'll listen to de faculty and answer all de questions asked by dem.


8) No Questions: My faculty will be happy if dey read dat i wont be asking any questions from now. I always been a question bank. Even when sirs called me Question bank and Mr.Y?, I used to frustrate dem with my Questions. But, from now, no more silly questions and topic unrelated questions will be asked by me.